what best mate?

ok today was interesting i didnt tell her i knew. She lied to my face agen, not really that suprising. We ran away from the puppy dog, i dont mean to b harsh its just its the things she does. Im not gunna speak to my ex. Miss F talked to jess today, not much good that did she doesnt know everythings its hard to say everything it makes me look weak and stupid. I am scared of Miss F not that she's scary loking or anything just cos she hates me, jess did exactly what i thought she would do turn it back round on me. She is a lier and shes taken away my mates lol. there really is no point if i killed myslf she wudnt feel guilty she would just laugh.I wouldnt want tht immature little girl coming to my funeral never. Dad come back down today from work, mums blankin me cos i snapped at her they dnt understand how tired i am i should never get up at the time i do to go to school and do everything i do. I really need to tone myself up i'm gettin to flabby. as if anyone cares!!!!
dad thinks he can come back home and think wot he sees is wot happends all the time im not allowed to sit on the sofa without being classed as lazy if i dnt get up and do work for ova 30 minutes it'll be like your slacking. tbh i dnt giv a fuk. What is the point? i have a brother who doesnt have any regard for me a mum who's blankin me and a dad well says he cares but thts a whole other issue. and guess what they're argueing agen. The world is so selfish. My head hurts and im mega tired. I hate school mates are what mates?!! best mates what are they? trust there is no such thing! trustworthy people no people are worthy of a non existant thing so bewildering. where does tht leave... work ahh work we live all of our childhood worrying about work and exams when later on you just go on to do more work or sit around being spoiled rotten who dont know what hardship is. Maths challenge was crap. p.e was good yet again i dont really hav the guts to go tlk to claire the teacher and trampoling i hate cos it feels like everyone is watching you and all your little mistakes. I don't like that feelin. my heart just jumped thought my dad was gunna shout at me then he's downstairs but you can hear his voice where- ever. english i hate i love th subject not in a pervy way but in other ways i would prefer it to b just me and the teacher cos i dont get on with my class except freddy and gemma etc. but it just doesnt work. I can do well in english i messed up on my summary of romeo and jjuliet in front of the class i kept stammering and gettin parts of the story wrong and i could feel myself blushing. You know when you watch people out of the corner of your eye and they're talking. You can't help but think they're talkin about you thats the bad part. I felt like i was goin on for ages not gettin it right. good enough. but sir made the class give me a round of applause. i don't know why there were so many mistakes and stupid little errors. i tend to pick up on things i shouldnt think to deeply into things i shouldnt but when it comes dwn to it i look so dumb so pathetic. i start to hate myself. The constant assessment of other people on you i hate. its typical. i might go for a shower. mia my ' best mate' isn't tlkin on msn soo.... yeah. the shower helps me forget about things no idea why.

Prince charming lost his way in the never ending universe

Sweetest Thing
xxxxxx

FINAL PIECE

Today i nearly finished my final piece i've just got to touch it up now. It still looks like crap but what can you do, just make it as gd as it can!!! Figured out a guy that has a crush on me is a total psycho lunatic which is perfectly perfect ( sarcasm ).no one really knows im writing this atm, Its like a diary but i can't keep that anymore cos the 'rents will read that and stop at no lengths to do so ' cos its the only way i can find out whats actually going on in your head' so now i don't keep a diary which sucks cos i do need somewhere to write my feelings down.
I had fun today, me and my friend went in the loo together to hide from ' the puppy dog' it was really funny i was there standin on the loo while she standing there and we were both laughin. i don't get why shes my best mate i'm not really i don't think cos she has so many other mates and one especially but atm i can't stand her we used to b best mates but she's changed when you get into arguements with her she tries to b al superior and philosophical but she really isnt and that frustrates me even more!!!battle of the bands was on monday and this boy was being weird. We're just mates but he does freak me out a tad i'm nt sure i don't think we're any more then mates lol. He's got a g.f and she is pretty.
What do i do? so many emotions and thoughts running through my head it's unbelieveable. i needed a break from coursework and homework etc. cos there is one hell of alot to do and it's not fair tht the top sets are bundled with a lot of work and they dont seem to understand the prioritys of other subjects.
My friend just lied to me i feel gutted, she went to see my ex today and she told me she didnt do anything. She gets really mad about abi and karmen she said she woulda neva do nethin lyk tht to me. i asked her where she was goin. he likes her as more then a mate
thts wot all the questions where about. she lied to me im definately not her best mate hahahaha more fool me for ever believein it. SHe told me she was a lier and i refused to believe it. WHY???? you kno what theres no point i hav no friends atm then may as well hav no life wotsoeva. itl just b perfect little sis big sis and then a sister in law wouldnt it. F u kin perfect!!
i fed up with life im sat here in tears. if i tlk to ne1 they dnt understand cos i neva tell ppl everythin anymore. you kno tht reli clenching feeling in ur thoats and ur stomach i have tht and i can't stop the tears. any one i trust jsut seems to let me dwn.
mum shouting at me again. shes being the mst fu kin unreasonble ****** eva i wish i cud say it i just can't i just hate her atm. and when dad gets dwn well thts just another things aint it. theres never anythings positive form them. I work my f u kin hardest nd it neva pays off i wish i were dead then i would neva see jess agen i would neva see the untrusted friends or exs or family the only bodys on earth worth nethin to me are my dogs and my baby cousin, he doesnt kno what afu ked up world he came in to.

no prince charmin no white horse no perfect worlds

sweetest thing
xxx

hey

Hi well, i don't really know what to say this is the beginings of a blog that hopefully i will keep to. So whoever is reading this lol this is a totally irrelevant blog. Today was school again. Again i wish i never went the only good part about it was spending some time with my friend without everyone else being there. I love her to pieces but the phrase 'puppy dog' spring to mind with some of her friends. I don't mind them sometimes just a tad frustrating. i'm misunderstood lol... Nearly could kill a girl at school but i could never be capable of that just want her to hurt like she's hurt me. I know i could hurt her i know i could i just can't be bothered to waste my time on a lieing waste of space that she is. Work at school is hard but yeah... got to get over that and deal with it as there is nothing else you can really do.

I've been thinking bout one of my ex's recently. He cheated but i can't get him outta my head.

Science totally freaked me out today tlkin about space, i mean what a wonderful way to make you feel majorly small.

Waiting for my prince charming

Sweetest thing
xxxxx